Sometimes I find myself using the same approaches I try to pass on to the children I babysit:

• It's okay to feel angry, sad, upset, or frustrated - but it's what you DO with those feelings that are right or wrong.
• When something is frustrating you, take your hands off it and walk away. Come back to it later. That doesn't mean you don't finish what you started, but it's okay to wait 20 minutes and try again.

Only, we can't always walk away and come back 20 minutes later when a child is the stressor-in-question. If they're very young, they simply can't be left unattended - and if they're older, walking away could delay (or ruin) an opportunity for a learning moment.

I deeply love the children that I care for, but whether you're a parent, a grandparent, or a caregiver, there are going to be moments where you find yourself counting down from ten.

So as if I'm a child again, learning to handle my emotions, I need to step back from the situation - not walk away, but mentally examine it and "look at the big picture":

1. Is this worth feeling upset over? Am I just annoyed because of the mood I'm already in, or is the child actually exhibiting a behavior that needs to be corrected?
2. If I'm just irritable, it's irresponsible for me to allow that emotion to carry over into my reaction toward a child, and I need to check myself. But if correction is necessary, I need to move past that emotion and ensure that my words and actions are going to benefit that child - that my correction is for the sole purpose of providing guidance now, to help mature him or her for later.
3. Am I being consistent in my correction over time - or am I just wanting to "get this over with" right now?

It's hard sometimes. Whether a man or woman, parent or caregiver - we're humans, and humans are emotional (and even impulsive) before we're rational. We're also creatures of habit; and if we're in the habit of acting out of emotion, before taking the time to think through our words and actions - we end up hurting ourselves and the people around us in the long run, especially children.

Kids bring incredible joy and perspective to the lives of the adults they touch, but they can also put us in situations that are challenging to navigate. Even something as negligible as spilled milk can bring an adult to the brink of tears if it's that "final straw". I want to encourage you, if you are struggling with stress, anger, depression or anything that is inhibiting you from being that grounded and purposed guide in your child's life: you are not alone. Talk openly with your spouse, your friend, any reliable source - get advice, get perspective, and get whole.

I can't tell you how incredible the reward is: to wrestle for weeks with either my own personal emotional clutter or a persistent problem in a child's behavior - and see them finally respond to my deliberately patient, consistent pursuit of their growth and maturation.

Helping You Bring Date Night Back (because grown-up time keeps you sane, too),
Mary & the Seminole Sitters

As you're walking out the door, it's heartbreaking to see the tears and sometimes even hear the shrieks of your child. You tell your sitter, "Text me as soon as he calms down, just so I know he's okay!"

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage, especially for children 8 months - 35 months. Prior to 8 months, infants are still familiarizing themselves with the world and don't yet have a feel for what might be dangerous or unusual. The onset of separation anxiety means your child's reached a new level of awareness, and the departure of mom or dad can be alarming.

While your last image as you leave is a panicked child, on our end, we find that the tears typically don't last more than 5-7 minutes. Separation anxiety is replaced by an understanding that while you're out-of-sight now, you'll return later. This, of course, leads to a curiosity and desire to explore the limits of their newfound independence....

Tips for Reducing Separation Anxiety

• Make your departure succinct, but known. Sneaking out the door will mean a delayed, more intense moment of anxiety for your child when they do realize you're gone. Say good-bye, let them know you'll be back soon, and head out the door.
• Set aside a special activity that is only done when your Seminole Sitter is there. Even if it's something as simple as bubbles, your child will soon learn that when the Sitter arrives, they'll get to do that special activity. It will give them something to look forward to.
• Be strong! Your kids can read you long before they can read a book! If they see on your face or body language that you're worried or stressed, they'll think there's reason for them to feel the same. Reassure them in a calm voice that it's okay that you're leaving, and again, make sure to say, "I'll be back - I always come back."